if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I will be naked everywhere
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
