Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
