i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize