Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I sprained my soul last night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
