Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i don't like sucking hair
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Thank you for not boning my boss.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
