I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
