I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
