Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize