Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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