I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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