look no pants
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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