The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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