that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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