I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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