Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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