i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
