I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
