just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
