it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
