The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize