She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
