Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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