I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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