she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
