K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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