i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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