Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
