I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
