Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize