all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
