No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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