he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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