My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
