Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
