You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
