i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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