how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
