Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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