i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
