I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
