It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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