So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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