I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
