are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
