i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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