"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
