i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Boobs are out for the taking
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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