bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
