I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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