I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
