after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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