i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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