Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
