I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She bit a glass in half.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
