Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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