Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
