I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
