he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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