This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
