What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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