it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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