pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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