Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
