Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
