I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
