I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
