the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
