I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
