There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
