Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
